[Visit to Halmoni] What does Halmoni call everyone?

November 29th, 2021
Visit to Halmoni

‘Winter’

What comes to your mind when you think of the winter? For me, I think of people wearing thick winter coats to protect themselves from freezing winds and families coming together to prepare kimchi for the winter.

The presents that we had brought for halmoni on our visit seemed to have such feelings of winter. The iCOOP cooperative market of Seodaemun, Mapo, and Eun-pyung districts donated freshly made Kimchi for all halmonis. Guro Korea also donated quality rice as a present to halmonis. As a food that tastes great whether you boil, fry, or eat it raw, the kimchi would take care of most meals of halmonis this coming year. With this thought, we loaded a car full of kimchi to bring to halmonis.

The world outside the car window was grey as the weather couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to start raining. Ignoring this possibility of weather, we drove through the city, eventually reaching halmoni’s house. Accompanying us on this trip was our youngest and newest activist at the Korean Council, Giraffe. Seeing the nervous look on Giraffe’s face, I recalled how I had felt the same during my first meeting with halmoni.

As we struggled with the 16 kilograms of kimchi we had brought, halmoni, who had noticed us, peeked her warm welcoming face through the front door.

“Halmoni~”

Quickly beckoning us into her warm house so that we can escape the cold, Halmoni exhibited a strong and healthy look that had not changed. Wanting to hold her soft hands that had welcomed us in, I was quickly reminded of the times that we live in. As I thoroughly washed my hands with soap, I thought to myself of how much I wanted the coronavirus to go away.

Sitting across from halmoni in her small but cozy living room, we took our presents out one by one. Seeing the box-shaped container of kimchi, halmoni smiled telling us she will eat some for dinner tonight. We had also brought with us the scarf and meat that halmoni had requested. With her eyes filled with joy and happiness, halmoni thanked us for the gifts.

Halmoni, who had been looking at us one by one, suddenly exclaimed how pretty we all were. Her small, loving dark brown eyes seemed to slowly add each one of our faces inside them. “Looks like you brought some children with you today,” said the 90-year-old halmoni as she looked at both me and Giraffe. Shifting her eyes then to the smaller Ppoka who sat next to the bulkier children, halmoni said to her, “And you must be the one who answers the phone well, you are very pretty.” Among all the activists, Ppoka talks with halmoni the most. It seemed to me that there was a side of her that only the dark brown eyes of halmoni could see.

As the time came for us to go, halmoni held each one of our hands tightly as a way of saying goodbye. Feeling touched by her small but loving act, I returned her gesture by holding her hand tightly as well to which halmoni responded in surprise.

“Why are your hands so cold?”

With a surprised look on her face, Halmoni took my hand between the palm of her hands and started to rub them gently.

“Having cold hands means the person has a warm heart…”

“That’s not true.”

Making a bland joke to lighten the serious look that halmoni had on her face didn’t seem to work as halmoni was strict in her worry. Giraffe, who had been listening to our conversation, giggled quietly. After only a short while, my hand had become warm in between halmoni’s hands.

Pointing at the messy bed that could be seen in the room across us, Halmoni told us that she had not been able to sleep at night lately but rather took naps during the day. Since her vaccination, she had not been able to sleep properly as her sleep schedule changed from night to day. A member of the board of our organization who had visited with us became worried about halmoni’s sleep schedule as she twice told halmoni to make sure she sleeps at night, even if she feels sleepy during the day. To make her promise she would do so, the board member locked her pinky with halmoni’s.

“Promise!”

Then a thumb stamp to lock in the promise.

Like the stamp to put a period on the promise, I wished halmoni’s sleep problems would also end soon.

Going up the elevator inside the large apartment, I tidied up my clothes. As we reached one of the small houses along a long corridor, I ringed the bell, to which there was no answer. Remembering how halmoni had difficulties with her hearing due to her age, I gave her a call, which also didn’t incur a response. Wondering if we were at the wrong house, we waited until the soft voice of halmoni spoke over the phone.

“Come in, come in.”

Seeing halmoni usher us in through the front door, we quickly took off our shoes and walked into her living room.

As we unpacked our presents that we had prepared for halmoni, she suddenly pointed at our board member who had come with us.

“I thought she was a guy.”

Halmoni’s finger pointed to the surprised face of our board member whose hair only barely reached her ears. From then on, our board member had received the nickname of Mister from halmoni.

(Left) Our board member with short hair

When she was receiving her present,

“Thank you, mister.”

When she was handing out snacks for us to eat,

“Mister, you can’t just be hanging out with ladies everyday.”

Even when she said her goodbyes to us,

“Our mister can come back anytime.”

Despite it being her first time visiting halmoni, the board member had received the most attention from halmoni. Mister, Ppoka, Giraffe, and I all sat across from halmoni and presented her with the various gifts that we brought - Meat, rice, kimchi, and even a specially prepared winter coat for halmoni to wear.

Due to the colder weather, Halmoni had not been able to visit her favorite park and had instead spent more time at home. Hoping that the coat will help her stay even just a little bit warmer, Ppoka helped her put the coat on.

Halmoni put her hands inside the coat pocket and pulled something out.
“Look, there is money in here.”

On her opened hand was a small desiccant pouch meant to dehumidify the coat. Seeing halmoni burst out into an amused laugh, all of us laughed out loud at her witty joke. The unexpected humor of halmoni was a joy that we all felt while meeting her.

Halmoni had another special characteristic about her. Whenever activists would come by her house, she would always prepare something for them. Of course, today was no exception as she rushed to her fridge before we could even stop her.

“Halmoni, our stomachs are going to explode. You don’t need to prepare us anything, we are all full!” Our constant effort to tell her that we had eaten before we arrived didn’t seem to satisfy her as she gave no reaction. Only after putting a bit more strength behind our words so that halmoni did not have to go through the trouble of preparing something for us did she finally turn around.

“I don’t understand. You are all pulling my leg with your youthful remarks of being full.”

Thanks to the innocent look that she made while telling her joke, we all had another good laugh. In the end, it all worked out in halmoni’s favor as a table full of snacks and drinks were put in front of us in no time. Halmoni, who ushered us to enjoy the food, did not eat with us as she had problems with her teeth. For this reason, we would always ask her about her teeth whenever we visited. When we asked her this time around, she told us that her teeth still ached so she had been eating porridge for a lot of her meals.

While we had hoped that we would be able to spend many forthcoming days with halmoni cracking up on her jokes, buying her pretty clothes to wear, and talking to halmoni, our faces grew dim as we looked at the frail body of halmoni. Ppoka opened the fridge to take a picture of the porridge that halmoni was eating. It would help us remember the different things that halmoni needed for the next time we visit her.

Halmoni, noticing a new face in our activist crew, asked Giraffe about her hometown. Upon hearing that Giraffe’s hometown was Seoul, she showed a small look of disappointment in her face. Anytime she would meet someone new, halmoni always asked about their hometown. Whenever she asked this question, there was a painful tug at my heart as it seemed like she was trying to search the memories of her past that had been lost while serving as a Japanese military “comfort women.”

When it was time to leave, halmoni each gave us her favorite vitamin drink along with a whole box of it for us to share with the other activists who couldn’t make it on the trip. Halmoni always tried to share the things that she enjoyed with us. While the vitamin drink was not special by itself, receiving it from halmoni made it special as we knew that all her love and care was inside each bottle she gave us. Halmoni waved goodbye at us as we left the apartment complex and drove away. Her waving figure reached all our hearts.

Halmoni waving goodbye from her small window

On the way back from halmoni’s place, I began to wonder how halmoni saw each of us. For Gyeonggi province halmoni, Ppoka was a kind person who spoke with an adorable baby-like voice and for Seoul halmoni Ppoka was a friend that she could talk to. Even though I and Giraffe were both adults, we were still little kids in the eyes of the halmoni. And for our board member, she was now named a mister by Gyeonggi Province halmoni.

These unique ways that halmonis call us remind us of the times we have spent together. Instead of the typical superficial relationship of an activist and victim, each one of us had a special and unique relationship that bonded us with halmonis.

Written by staff Jiwoo on Nov 30, 2021.

*Halmoni, which means “grandma” in Korean, is an endearing way of calling an elderly person.

Translator: Jimmy Chae